The thoughts # 1

Funny,

 How I have so much anger inside of me for her, but all it takes is just another look at her and the sound of her voice to take it all away from me. 

I don’t know what it means, I don’t want her in my life, I don’t need this toxin in my life. I am not doing well and I have no one and nothing to talk to, all I ever do is just write and try to make sense out of my crazy. 

To be honest, it doesn’t help. 

Nothing is convincing. I teach myself everyday that I have to stop bringing her up in my thoughts but even in those words I feel her existence, I feel her words. They haunt me, but I want to face them not because I want to come out strong, only because the haunting gives me a little more for her.

Somehow you’ll know

The world has lost its light, 

We have lost our colors. 
Dreams have become darker, 

Satisfaction has become impossible. 
We sit apart and wonder, 

What has become of us. 

Faces have faded, 

Memories remain. 
Existence is lost, 

Thoughts still felt. 
We trap us in a container of walls, 

Light finds its way in. 
Moments are long gone, 

Footprints be left. 
Bodies depart, 

Souls stay intact. 
We still look at each other, 

Reminding the flaws within us. 
Hand craves the other, 

The lock remains unlocked. 
Every passage becomes a trophy, 

Escorts change. 
We maybe apart,

But we are a part. 
We maybe different, 

But always the same. 

We may not be together, 

Today, 

Someday, 

Any day, 

Parts will always remind us of what we were. 

What we see and believe 

As he stood under the moonlight, 

He saw flashbacks of what was not his, 

He saw the forgotten moments, 

Memories erased. 
Changing the world for him, 

The ground he stood on stumbled, 

The winds he once knew became strangers, 

Dark thoughts. 
He touched his face, 

Pieces were missing, 

Nothing that he knew Before, 

Nothing he had seen before, 

Missing chunks of his own. 
Remembering the nights, 

Nights that reminded, 

Nights that shivered, 

Nights that ruptured. 

Nights he had survived. 
Looking at the sky, 

Clouds he once thought were there for him, 

Brightest star was his shine, 

Thought his world was in his grip, 

He was never a part of what he called his world. 

Realization. 

As he stood there, 

He saw everything pass by,

He saw every moment, 

He thought he didn’t see himself, 

But the only thing he saw was 

Himself. 

Just a name.

Stood under the palm tree, Strangling the thought of her,

Questioning the left self existence,

Reasoning with letters and numbers, 

Claiming the non cultured wonders, 

Extracting the relevancy out of all, 
Finding answers to unknown questions, 

A quest that was never there, 

Reasons beyond approach, 

Thoughts created in the lightless hour, 

Memories that will last a lifetime. 
Walking through the path, 

Trying to make sense out of stones, 

Leaves with no story written on them, 

Footprints of the unfollowed, 

Voices that weren’t heard. 
Wandered attention,

There was no tale to tell, 

There were no words to remember,

There was nothing existing.
Just a name,

That brought back everything,

Reminded of everything, 

Memories he thought were faded.
Just a name, 

Reminded him, 

What he is,

What they were,

What he is. 
Just a name, 

An alarm, 

You can forget the world,

You can forget the existence, 

But the part of you stays

Confide.

We all need someone to confide, 

Sometimes we try really hard to find that person, within that search we forget to see ourself as the best candidate, and there are somethings in life that don’t need finding, if it’s yours then it’ll come to find you. 

My struggle has always continued, I’ve met a countless number of people and to be honest I’ve been confident about most of them. Some because my gut feeling has been strong about them and some because I don’t know. 

I didn’t realize it till early this year, that why and how things change when you confide in someone. I know people out there know it better than me and have had a lot experiences but I’m just gonna talk about myself and what I think. 

When you start confiding in someone, you kind of start believing in them and their words. Expectations rise as you start opening up. That’s when you realize that nobody can reach up to your standard of expectations. Life has become pretty hard and fast and there’s less hope, but in this race we forget what others mean to us. We might claim that we are nothing like that but the truth is each and everyone of us is the same. 

Visions of creations

Names were written in sand, Washed away with water, 

They lasted in the land,

But disappeared in the water. 

Stars were connected with the Rays, 

Light was dispersed for vision, 

Faded away with another light, 

The sun rose and claimed the light, 

Shelters were created by the leaves,

Shadows that once protected light, 

Winds change and leaves scatter, 

Log stood still, saw it all. 

Witnessed the movement of several, 

The creation of the creation, 

Roads stood dark,

As they all moved forward. 

Time changed,

Clocks moved, 

Dates changed, 

But the man in black stayed the same. 

Walks remembered, 

Every touch still felt, 

Promises broken,

But the woman in colors changed.