That’s when 

Sometimes I wonder if you ever think of me like I think about you, 

But then I convince myself that no you don’t, I look at your pictures and smiles in them, I try to read your broken smiles, but some of them are genuine and tell me a lot more than I should know, 

That’s when I tell myself that you don’t think of me at all, 

That’s when I realize I was never a part of your happy life, I was always the wheel for your journey, a trip that you took while discovering yourself, a hand to hold to walk through that stony path. 

That’s when I tell myself that I lost myself in your journey and it was never mine to claim, it was always yours, your life, your words, your destiny and your ambitions, I didn’t fit anywhere in them, I was just an audience in those vacant seats, trying to fill your empty applause in your adventurous life. 

That’s when I believe that someday when it’s dark for you outside your world,you will think of me, you will wonder if I’m still there, you will want to see me still sitting outside your world waiting for you to open that door and let me in, you will remember the memories that we have together. I wish you don’t. I wish that what I went through after us, you don’t. I wish that you never see yourself as I look at myself now, I wish you have a happy life in the world that you created, but I also wish that I never create the world for anyone that you created for me. 

A world where I don’t trust anyone, to talk, to love,to open up. Somewhere I doubt everybody who’s loyal. Somewhere I’ve lost all my faith in God and humans.

That’s when I question myself. If I’ll every be the same person again? If I’ll ever see you again? If I’ll ever love someone again? If I’ll ever respect myself again? If I will be still waiting for you? If I still believe in magic? And a lot of other questions,

The truth is, I don’t have answers to any of my questions, I don’t have any words to explain my thoughts, I don’t know if this is what I know or these are just the hopeless assumptions that live in me. 


Maybe one day 

One of these days, 

You’ll witness yourself down and low, 

You’ll be wrapped in your thoughts, 

From head to toe 

Covered and hoping,

Someone would come and save you,

From drowning, 

The truth is no one will, 

Even if they come, 

They’ll leave you to drown again, 

So don’t rely on them, 

Be your own helping hand, 

Grab yourself 

And make that push 

Get up, 

It’s not easy, 

It never will be, 

But you have to for yourself, 

Create that world for yourself, 

Become who you want to be. 

I am what I am 

I see you in my dark times, 

I feel you when I’m hiding, 

I remember you when you’re here, 

I exist because of your pain, 

I follow because I’m lost, 

I create because I’m a shadow, 

I do a lot of things when I think about you, 

You never escape my thoughts, 

My raja beta,

As I would call you, 

When you were here, 

With me, 

But now you’re somewhere I can’t be, 

Now you’re someone I don’t know, 

Someone I can only look in my heart, 

Someone who’s alive in my memories, 

Stupid of me to keep you alive in my memories, 

When all you did was left me for your own good, 

I’m not mad at that, 

I’m not happy at that too, 

But I do punish myself with every passing day,

Of why I can’t move on like you did, 

Maybe because they were always words for you, 

And for me you were always you, 

Never thought beyond that. 

Take a trip 

Sometimes take yourself back to places,take a trip down to memory lane. It doesn’t sound like a good plan but sometimes it’s something you need. Reminders. 

Drive down the road that you’ve filled with memories, go to bars and restaurants that remind of you someone and the moments you shared, listen to the songs that you sang for them. Lay on the bed that you once shared and relive the imagination of their body next to yours. 

People might not be the same anymore,you might not even know each other anymore, but the memories that you created years ago as one, they’re still there, will always be, now they exist in you as a part of you. And you can’t just take a part out of yourself. Love that part, cherish it. Make more out of it. 

They don’t have a significance in your life now, but they were your life at some point and your world. They’re nothing now but they were the light when it was dark, so what if the darkness is back again? There will be light again. Remember the times of what you were and what you became and what you are today. 

None of those moments were wasted, no time of yours went down the drain, its all there, filled with experiences and expectations and hit hard with realities. Making you stronger and weaker, recognizing the patterns of what you can do to yourself, destroy or rebuild. 

Reading motivational quotes isn’t gonna bring back anything, unless you create your own motivation for yourself and get back up. Life will go on. I know it can get hard, but you always knew it’s not going to be easy but you still took the risk. Take it again. Have some faith in yourself and follow the lead of your heart. 

So, take yourself back and then come back again. Take that trip and free yourself. Only you can and you will. 

Valentines part 1

I never believed in this date and always thought it was a foolish act by a lot of people, 

And then I met her, who pretty much liked everything about Valentine’s Day, 

Maybe she was just looking for an excuse to be loved, I never really focused on the why in this. 

To me only mattered that it matters to her. 

I changed my thoughts over this, because they weren’t as important as her. 

That’s what I believed in. 

I still do sometimes. 

She liked the whole idea of people in this one day even of being special for love and all the other addicts to people. 

I played along just so I could earn a smile or a tear of joy from her. 

To be honest I’ve always been greedy of her smiles. 

They can do wonders. 

Light up anything, 

Change anything that I ever believed in. 

I became one of those people who would plan this day a month ago and try to make the best out of it. 

Going out of the reach of my pocket, 

Believing that she’s my true treasure and not the money that I earn. 

I thought that this I can make again, 

But I can’t make chances like these again. 

Let me tell you about a tale of how I did it and how it felt. 

The calendar 

I don’t have a story to tell, 

Or maybe I don’t have the words to tell a tale, 

There’s a pain in every word, 

That strikes to you and me, 

Significance lies behind those words, 

Naked to us, 

Covered to the rest. 

Look at the calendar and you’ll see a few digits, 

You’re never alone, 

To some those digits are thoughts and to some they are memories, 

Digits that represent the fights, 

A few of them full of loving memories, 

Some of them might even have their sadness hidden in them, 

I see every digit as a dark side, 

In those single digits I see myself lonely and standing alone, 

Under the open sky, 

Full of memories and thoughts of you, 

Every date brings a new reminder of you. 

Then the double digits, 

Calculation of how we’re apart now, 

And how you’re away and unaware of me. 

Careless belief 

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be the same person again, 

A person never to be afraid of anything, 

Someone who had no regrets whatsoever, 

With a life full of himself, 

Someone who never needed a reason to smile, 

The only light that he always needed was within himself. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll still be the same that I am today, 

Waiting for miracles to happen, 

Looking for chances to hear from them, 

Staring at objects that would never speak back, 

Holding on to the False validations. 

I do wonder this along with a lot of other things, 

An empty mind, 

Filled with thoughts to follow, 

Assumptions to believe in. 

Careful yet careless in self believe. 


We try to look at the world with a different perceptive, 

By every means, 

Even if it means how others look at it, 

Ignoring the stones that lie beneath our feet, 

We just look up in the sky and the beauty that lies ahead, 

The heartwarming view of the true nature, 

The silence of the winds, 

Every breath a fresh intake, 

Driving all the sorrows away, 

In that brief moment we live, 

Then back to normal I guess,

Normal is what we call when we can’t breathe and suffocate ourselves with our thoughts, 

Look at yourself in the mirror and you’ll see something different everytime, 

Everytime there’s a new smile, 

Everytime there’s a new sadness in your eyes, 

Everytime there are new words to explain, 

But you’re still the same inside, 

Just letting go off the million emotional pieces that you’ve collected throughout the years. 

The stage 

We’ll always have an audience. 

Sitting there looking at our lives, 

As we display and expose ourselves to them, 

We perform for them on that stage, 

A platform we all call the world, 

Gazing on every one of them, 

Just so hear them applause, 

To stop and feel and appreciate, 

We spot those empty seats and wonder what kept them, 

Maybe they have their own display somewhere. 

Disguising ourselves for validation, 

Hiding just so they can approve of the act. 

Some nights we are on the ramp, 

And some nights we fill in those empty seats for someone we know. 

Waiting to spot that one seat that stands up for you, 

Failing to understand why can’t we be our own audience and our own stage. 

Raise a chair for yourself once, 

They will follow. 

Within himself 

He was a river within himself, 

Full of life of its own, 

Shining with every passing moment, 

A view for everyone to desire, 

To the day she came, 

Draining every inch of the river, 

Leaving behind only a few droplets, 

Existing in his eyes within himself.