Push down the battle 

I drive him every day to work and then home.

We don’t share a single conversation that means something to any one of us.

We ride along in silence.

I push my words and tears down with the hopeless music in the car. Every single day I repeat. Back and forth every day.

Wondering if he’s unaware or just pretending to play that game to face the harsh truth that will come out of my mouth. I can never tell if it’s his guilt to never be there.

I always thought he’d be my strength to confidence but he has been nothing but my weakness in time.

The silence that I carry everyday with him. Kills me. I push down a part of me. Wanting to scream and beg him for a response. As we drive, I realize we’re close to getting off. Maybe I should hold on a little longer and then we’ll be apart.

Maybe then I wouldn’t have to hide and he wouldn’t have to pretend to love me.

The complaints that I have might never get to him, because I’ll never say them. She was the only person I use to tell this about. Now that she’s gone.

I might never understand and he might never give in. The battle between our worlds will continue until one of gets to the road of peace. Let’s just hope it’s me before him because in the end I want him to exist forever and ever.


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